


Never Losing You

by dayswithyou



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 11:02:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19149715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dayswithyou/pseuds/dayswithyou
Summary: When he’d left, you thought that was the end.When he’d left, you thought you’ll never have to see him again.When he’d left, you tried to move on.And you did.So why was life so cruel now, playing tricks with your heart 10 years later? He had not crossed your mind once since 10 years ago but seeing his photo again, sparked off thousands of memories within you.As they say, you’d never ever forget your first love and he was the first for many things for you.





	1. Chapter 1

Hello My Days! 

I'm happy to present my 2nd work for the famdom, featuring none other than our amazing electric guitarist Jae!

Any feedback or comment is loved and appreciated! It will really help me grow as an author. 

This plot is purely mine. Please do not plagarise. Any similarities are purely coincidental. 

Without further ado, let's begin!


	2. Chapter 1

As the rain fell steadily outside, you relished the feeling of being warm in my home with a good cup of coffee in my hands. Wrapping your cardigan closer around yourself, you settled down into your comfy leather chair and swivelled to face your desk as you simultaneously flipped your phone over.

**Victoria: Hey babe it’s urgent and sorry I can’t call to explain the details but basically I need someone to cover a concert event for me tomorrow and I was hoping you could help me out.**

**You: Sure**

**Victoria: Thanks so much, I’ll treat you to a meal once I’m better! Details are in the email that I just sent you!**

**You: I’ll be sure to check that out, get well soon Vic :)**

**Victoria: Thank you TT**

 “This silly girl”, you said as you muttered under your breath.

Shaking your head, you flipped open the lid of your laptop screen and the new email popped up on your screen. Downloading all the documents, you decided to open up the promotional poster first to recognise who are the people that you’ll be working with tomorrow.

When you finally laid eyes on the poster, your heart stopped beating for a moment and ice washed over your veins.

Staring back at you, with his blonde spectacles and the same thin gold-rimmed glasses, was your ex.

DAY6’s Jae.


	3. Chapter 2

For a moment, you were simply too shocked to say anything as a dull ache came from deep within your chest, causing you to take shallow, shaky breaths as you shuddered despite the warmth that enveloped you.

When he’d left, you thought that was the end.

When he’d left, you thought you’ll never have to see him again.

When he’d left, you tried to move on.

And you did.

So why was life so cruel now, playing tricks with your heart 10 years later? He had not crossed your mind once since 10 years ago but seeing his photo again, sparked off thousands of memories within you.

As they say, you’d never ever forget your first love and he was the first for many things for you.

-

_He was your first crush._

_The first time you met him, it was during Physical Education lessons in your final year of high school. You were running tracks around the field when your eyes narrowed upon him. His lanky figure made him stand out amongst the jocks and his Mohawk hairstyle made him seem another head taller than the rest._

_As if he wasn’t already tall enough._

_But what really drew you in was his smile. When the sun rays shone on his face and he broke out into a huge grin that showed off his neat rows of pearly whites, you found yourself inexplicably drawn to this beautiful man._

_From that day on, you kept a silent eye on him till graduation._

_Always there, but never having enough guts to speak to him._

_Needless to say, you graduated without saying anything to him for the entire year and you figured that was the end of your little crush, a little secret that you’ll carry with you to your grave._

_Little did you know that every time you turned away, someone would be watching you like a guardian angel._

_-_

_He was your first date._

_Moving to a college rather far from home to pursue your passion, you never expected to see anyone from your old high school there. So when you spotted the familiar Mohawk hairstyle, lanky figure with tortoise shell glasses, to say you were stunned would be an understatement. Through the crowd of a thousand people, you both somehow miraculously made eye contact and he flashed you the same toothy grin that you loved so much whilst nodding his head a little in your direction. Against your wishes, your cheeks felt extremely hot that entire day._

_Having a secret passion in music, you took up a degree in events management and you enjoyed your classes and life went on pretty normally for you. You had found out from another friend that said crush was doing Political Science and naturally, you found it weird when you kept seeing him around your campus grounds when the Political Science faculty was literally at the other end of the college grounds. You figured it was just you, but you caught him staring at you a couple of times. Were your eyes playing tricks on you? Or was it real? Whatever the case was, you couldn’t shake off the feeling of having a pair of eyes on your back whenever he was around._

_September 15 th_

_It was just another ordinary day for you and you left the café with your usual cup of coffee in hand. Just as you were about to turn the corner, a tall figure stood right in front of you, blocking your way. Looking up, you found yourself face to face with someone familiar: Jae._

_“Hi there, Y/N, right?”_

_Tongue-tied, all you could do was nod._

_“Phew I’m glad I managed to catch you…” Trailing off, he left his sentence hanging in the air and you continued to stare at him, your eyes egging him to carry on. Noticing your gaze on him, he quickly regained his composure._

_“Erm, so I take Political Science and I heard you do events management and I’m actually doing a paper on that so I was hoping to get your help on it?”_

_It was rude to laugh but you couldn’t help the giggle that escaped your lips. How can an event management major possibly help with a Political Science paper? Also, you were sure event management was not a topic under Political Science. Jae definitely had another agenda, and it was plain for all to see._

_“I suck at this don’t I?” Jae sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck as he peeked at you from beneath his glasses, a light pink of embarrassment dusting his cheeks._

_“Well… I wouldn’t say that you suck…but next time why don’t you just tell me what you want straight? Is this your way of asking a girl out on a date?”_

_As a grin split across his lips, Jae nodded his head tentatively._

_Now it was your turn to turn red as you tried to fight back the smile that was threatening to show on your face but that didn’t escape Jae’s eyes._

_“Is that a yes Y/N?”_

_“Yes, sure, I’d love to go on a date with you.”_

_“6pm tonight here Y/N?”_

_Perhaps you might have nodded your head a little too vigorously but this time, Jae didn’t hold back and showed his immense joy by gracing you with that huge grin that you loved so much._

_Suffice to say, after that date, many more came and 3 months later, he asked you to be his as the first snow fell._

_-_

_He was the first guy you had skinship with._

_Even though you were officially together, treating Jae like your boyfriend still felt a little awkward. You blamed it on your inexperience – you never had any semblance of a love life till Jae waltzed into your life 3 months ago. You didn’t know how to act like a girlfriend; when was it alright to start holding hands? Should you be kissing already? Was it ok to hug him goodbye from now on? A million thoughts whizzed through your head and you started to wonder if you were good enough for him. You began to feel like a fool for not even knowing the basics on how to be a girlfriend. Swimming so deep in your thoughts, you hadn’t even noticed Jae was in front of you till he placed a hand on your shoulder, causing you to jump._

_“What’s wrong Y/N? You seem so dazed today.”_

_“Nothing Jae, it’s fine. Let’s go.”_

_You turned to leave but he pulled you back to face him._

_“Y/N, I can read you like an open book. Something’s bothering you, tell me what’s wrong.”_

_You hesitated, unsure if you should let him know of your insecurities. Finally, you relented._

_“Jae, am I good enough as a girlfriend?”_

_Jae was obviously dumbfounded, judging by the way his eyebrows furrowed and his lips turned into a frown. He opened his mouth to reply but you cut him off._

_“This seems so stupid, I know, but I just feel like I’m not good enough at showering you with affection. Other girls seem so natural when it comes to skinskip, but I cannot, for the life of me, work up to guts to hold your hand, or hug you or – ”_

_Your sentence was abruptly cut off as you found yourself pressed against Jae’s chest, the deep rumble of his chest and clear laughter mixing together in your ear to form a beautiful melody._

_“Babe I can’t believe you’re worrying about that – I can’t even – oh gosh how adorable can you be?” Peering up to look at him, you found Jae shaking his head at you as he gazed at you lovingly._

_“What… it’s a valid concern… people do couple things together and I don’t even know how to act like one, it makes me feel bad…” Your eyes then dropped to the floor._

_“Babe, listen to me.” Placing a gentle finger under your chin, he tilted your head up till he was holding your steady gaze._

_“I didn’t ask you to be my girlfriend just to do couple things with you – I asked you to be mine because I love you, and I genuinely want to treasure you. It’s alright even if we don’t hold hands now, or kiss. I didn’t do these things because I wanted to wait till you were ready; I didn’t want to rush things and risk scaring you away. You might start to think I only want to get into your pants, which is absolutely not true for the record. Besides, if you’re ever shy, I can take the lead. Heh.”_

_“Thanks Jae, you’re the best…”_

_Wrapping your arms around his torso as he placed his chin on top of your head, he held you silently for a few seconds before placing a soft kiss on your head._

_Ever since that day, kisses and hugs became a frequent thing and Jae seemed to love it more and more as time passed._

_-_

_He was your first kiss._

_For your first anniversary, Jae had insisted on taking you to the beach and as always, he never disappoints. Jae spared every effort into making you feel like a princess that day – candlelit dinner, roses on the beach and of course, your favourite, a song for you as he serenaded you with his guitar. As the golden sun dipped beyond the horizon, both of you walked along the beach, hand in hand, as he talked about the new song that he was writing about now. You listened to him with revere; listening to his voice was your favourite thing in this world._

_Just then, a wave of courage washed over you and you stopped in your tracks, causing Jae to turn around._

_“Something wrong babe?”_

_“Nothing” was all you said as you took 2 bold steps towards him before sealing your lips together. Overcoming his initial shock, Jae’s hands found their way into your soft brown locks as he deepened the kiss. Finally breaking apart, you found your voice again._

_“Thank you so much for everything Jae, I thank my lucky stars every day to have you with me all this while.”_

_“Me too babe, but what was that all about?”_

_“I just wanted to… say I love you in another way today.”_

_“Just for today? Awww” He then gave you those puppy eyes as you smacked his chest._

_“Greedy! It just ended and you’re asking for more?”_

_“Well, a man can have a little hope right?” He then swooped in to steal another quick kiss before taking off down the length of the beach, leaving you to chase after him._

_Jae stole so many more kisses after that day, not like you minded anyways._

_-_

_He was the first man you had shared a bed with._

_In your final year of college, both of you had finally saved enough to move out of the college dorms to rent an apartment together. You kept yourself busy that whole day, unpacking and finally settling into the new house with Jae._

_But when night fell, did you then realise what was going to happen._

_You were going to share a bed with Jae._

_Sure, you’ve hugged him before, kissed him before but sharing a bed with him was like a whole new world altogether. You were uncertain about the whole idea but that night, when he pulled you into his chest, wrapping a protective arm around you with his cheeks pressed against your temple, everything felt so right that you drifted right off to sleep._

_On nights when you couldn’t sleep, he would always be there to talk to you until tiredness took over._

_On nights when nightmares paid you a visit, his safe arms were always there to hold you till sweet sleep found you again._

_On cold nights, his body would be your second blanket, giving you more than just warmth, but comfort as well._

_You don’t regret renting the house together, or sharing a bed with him daily._

_Because waking up next to him every morning was a blessing._

_-_

_He was also your first heartbreak._

_Opening your apartment door, you didn’t even have time to put down your books before Jae picked you up and spun you round and round in the air._

_“Jae what’s going on!”_

_“I got it! I got it!”_

_“Got what?”_

_“I got accepted into JYP! Babe I’m gonna be able to become a singer now!”_

_“That’s great Jae! Erm… how about I go get groceries to make some dinner? Then we can celebrate and talk about it more.”_

_“Thanks babe, I’m gonna call the family to let them know about this.”_

_“You do that Jae.”_

_He gave you a quick kiss before turning to bound off into the living room, already busy punching numbers into his cell phone as you quietly slipped outside._

_Walking along the pavement, staring at your brown boots that stood out amongst the orange autumn leaves, you tried your best to stop the few tears slipping down your face._

_You were angry._

_But what for? You couldn’t even answer that question, which only added to the frustration you were feeling._

_You’d knew all along; late nights staying up to have life conversations meant that you heard on more than one occasion about his real dream: to be a singer. You knew how much he loved music, loved singing, loved playing the guitar, loved playing for an audience. Now that he was going to be able to do all of that, why weren’t you happy for him? Shouldn’t love be about wishing the best for the other party, no matter the circumstances? So why is it now that you found bitterness residing within you, and not happiness for him?_

_Perhaps you were angry at him. For not telling you about the audition, for not giving you some warning beforehand that he might leave._

_Or maybe you were just angry at fate: for giving you such a wonderful partner but ultimately, taking him away from you._

_Jae was an idealist; he would do anything later on to convince you that the both of you could still work out somehow, despite the objection, despite the rules._

_But you were a realist; and you knew deep down in your heart that no matter what he said, this is where your stories end._

_-_

The rest was simply too painful to think about; how you broke up with him, how he had left and when you finally returned to the present, you found that your cheeks had already been stained wet and you rushed to wipe them off your face before anyone else could see.

He was supposed to be a thing of a past, something you should have forgotten a long time ago.

But 10 years on; tonight, you finally found out that he had never really left. He was simply a faded movie of the past, always playing, but never demanding for attention. How silly of you, to think that you could possibly forget your first love. As you struggled through the rest of the night with thoughts of him, you finally managed to get through that pile of documents and hopefully remembering enough to not mess up tomorrow.

You fell asleep that night, hoping to get a break from thoughts of him but he still managed to have a hold on you, memories of your time together playing throughout the night.


	4. Chapter 3

The starting rays of the day had only just filtered into your room but you were already wide awake in bed, your nerves tightly strung together. You had spent all night tossing and turning, all attempts of riding Jae from your thought ultimately proving futile.

Seeing no further point in trying to fall back asleep, you dragged your tired body out of bed and into the shower, letting the scalding water run over your body until your skin was tingling and raw. Whilst dressing, you unconsciously picked a pair of yellow earrings, which also happened to be Jae’s favourite colour. Knocking back a strong cup of black coffee and purposefully scalding your tongue on it in a last-ditch attempt to wake your senses up, you set off to the concert venue and began to steel your nerves for the intense 24 hours ahead.

Not because work will be tough, but because you’d be spending the next 24 hours figuring out whether to evade Jae.

Or not.

When you got the concert venue at 8am, the crew was already there in full force, the backstage bustling with people trying to get ready for the grand show tonight. You greeted familiar faces before making yourself busy all morning, checking in with the light and sound crew to make sure the entire system is running smoothly.

As part of a mandatory check, the sound crew ran through the entire set-list of songs.

You, however, were not ready to hear his voice.

It felt surreal to hear his voice through the speakers, sounding as clear as dew on a fresh morning. You only ever his voice up close when he sang only for you on private occasions, but to hear his voice mixed in with other instruments and sounding so much more stable with proper training evoked another sort of response from you and you got so emotional a few tears streaked down your face, in which you hastily wiped to erase any trace of them.

When the last notes of the song faded and the lights dimmed, you stood from your seat at the hall and made your way outside of the building for some fresh air.

Stepping out, you made eye contact with the last person you wanted to see at the moment.

Jae was staring right back at you.

Just as the first signs of recognition flashed across his face, you bolted from the scene and into the building. You heard the steady sounds of running footsteps behind you and you were sure that he was giving chase. The cogs in your brain turned quickly, and you slipped in a tiny corner where he could not see you.

You held your breath tightly; you didn’t even dare to breathe out of fear that it might give you away.

“Jae, why’d you take off?” An unfamiliar voice speaking in English entered the scene and you waited with bated breath to hear what he would say.

“I swear I saw someone I know.”

“Really? Who?”

“She’s my – never mind.”

“What? Just say it man.”

“Nothing Brian, I must’ve been mistaken.”

Other voices begin to mix in and Jae’s voice soon got drowned out amongst the others and when you could no longer hear them, you allowed yourself to crumple into a heap on the floor as you rested your forehead against your forearm.

You didn’t know how to face Jae at all. The feeling of helplessness overwhelming you at the moment was making you feel like absolute rubbish and you wanted to cry to release the tension within your body but that was a luxury you could not afford now. You stared at your shoes till your heard the drums play, effectively snapping you out of your stupor. Standing up, you walked towards the stage, his voice drawing you closer and closer. You stood in a spot well out of his sight and watched as he transformed from a boy you knew into a professional artist. Belting out song after song effortlessly, you found his stable voice pleasing to the ears and his guitar skills have definitely gotten so much better. He could switch between different chords with extreme ease, playing soft tunes before rocking out fully to their hit songs.

But some things about him remained the same. His playfulness was still intact; he especially loved to mess around with the guys called Brian (or was it Young K?) and Wonpil too. He still had the same boyish features; just skinner so his features seem sharper.

In your eyes, he was still as beautiful and you were certain that nothing would change that.

Just as they begin walking backstage, you’d silently slipped away in the background and for the whole afternoon till the show started, you carefully avoided anywhere the stage or their waiting room. Amidst the craziness that was going on within the building; fans excitedly filling the seats and the backstage crew running around to make the last few checks, you had finally calmed down enough to make a clear decision.

What’s the worst thing that could happen?

_Nothing._

Stepping right behind him as the stage heated up with the powerful cheers from fans, you called his name gently.

“Hi Jae.”

And for the first time in what felt like a million years, your brown orbs found his dark ones again and in that moment, a billion unspoken emotions was conveyed in one single look.


	5. Chapter 4

**Jae POV**

“I missed you.”

That was the first thing I said, without thinking, at all.

I didn’t know what to say.

I couldn’t say anything else.

Or perhaps I have so much to say to her that all I know how to say at that point in time was “I missed you” amongst all the other thoughts I had. They say that the heart speaks before the mind does, and this time round it does once again. I want to hug her, to pull her into my arms and to lay my chin atop of her soft hair once again but I find myself floored. It’s been too long since I last saw Lynn, and I had to take a good look at her once again.

Lynn still looks the same. Except that this time round her hair falls in waves across her back instead of the usual straight cut that she had back then. But otherwise, she looks just like how she did 10 years ago when I left her.

Still as beautiful,

Still as flawless.

“So… how you’ve been Jae? It’s good to see you again.”

“I…eh…I’ve been good, yea. Good to see you again too Lynn.” I manage a small smile at the end of my sentence and she raises the corners of her lips ever so slightly for me.

I think of all the things I want to say to her and I open my mouth to do so, but nothing comes out. It can’t. How could any words in this world possibly express my feelings fully for the love of my life that was standing right in front of me right now?

This is the mind-boggling effect Lynn has on me; she can just stand there and not do anything, and still render me speechless. She is the only one in this whole wide world that can do this to me.

Stepping closer, I finally decide to stop looking for the perfect words to say and just be honest with my heart.

“You look beautiful tonight.”

“You could say the same for yourself. You look really good Jae.”

“Thank my stylist instead. They can transform the sloppy me into…this. I’m still the same you know?”

“Baggy sweatshirts and jeans with an obsession for plaid outerwear?”

I crack a smile as I shake my head and let my eyes drop to the floor. She knows me too well.

“You got that right.”

“I should know better.”

“Yea you should.”

The nervousness lingers in the air between us and I have so much more to say to her but this isn’t a good place to say them all.

“When are you free Lynn? Let’s head out together some time? I want to talk to you, catch up you know?”

“I…eh…” She looks away for a moment to push her hair behind her ears and that’s when I see it.

The unmistakable glint of a diamond ring on her left ring finger.

The rest of my words die in my throat and all I manage to do is croak out one question.

“You’re married now?”

“Yea… it’s been about 5 years.”

I can see from her eyes that she didn’t intend for me to know that but even now that I’ve found out, she doesn’t try to hide it.

“Any children?”

“A daughter; her name’s Alicia and she’s 3.”

“I bet she looks beautiful just like you.”

“She does look more like me than her dad.”

“Is he good to you?”

Now, it’s her turn to stare at me with an unreadable expression.

**Lynn POV**

“Is he good to you?”

That question catches me off guard and rings in my head.

As I stare at the face of my first love, I realise I don’t know how to come up with the answer but eventually, I do say something.

“He is. He’s good to me.”

But it’s the things that I don’t say that mean the most.

As I peer into his eyes, I pour my heart and soul into my gaze.

_He’s good to me, but he can never be you._

_He can never be my first love._

_He doesn’t hold me like you do._

_I can’t joke around with him like I did with you._

_He doesn’t sing for me like you do._

_He doesn’t do cute things for me like you do._

_His lips are nothing like yours._

_He doesn’t know my weak spots like you do._

_He can never love me like you do. Or at least, like how you did._

“That’s good, he better treat you well or I’m going to take you back from him.”

I scoff a little at his statement but is it bad that in a tiny spot in my heart, I hope that would happen?

But I live in reality, and that only happens in fiction. Besides, I have a daughter to care for now. I can’t just take off like that.

My frank admission seemed to have caused Jae to close off and he slowly backs away from me.

“I have to go now Lynn, the next song is my solo.”

“Wow the crowds Jae.”

He flashes me a thumbs up sign before turning his back to me and stepping on stage. I watch for a little while as he sings with soul for the moving crowd before fading into the background.

When I walk away, I get the familiar feeling of someone staring at me, like how it was back then when it all started.

**Jae POV**

I don’t remember how I managed to pull through the show with my heart breaking inside. It was such a turbulent day: I’d hit rock bottom when I knew that she was married, before that morphed into anger and indignity. Playing for my fans that brought me to my favourite kind of high again and by the end of the night, I was thoroughly exhausted.

I knew clearly that I felt angry. I was angry at Lynn.

But why should I? And did I have the right to do so?

After all these years, was I seriously hoping that she would be waiting for me at the same spot? No, I was a fool to think that way. It’s almost as good as holding her in shackles as I live the life I always wanted.

No, I love her, and since I truly do, I wouldn’t hope for her to wait for me. I would want her to live her life happily, like I am now.

At this prime moment, I’d choose to look out of the window and it made me certain that my choice was right.

Lynn was holding her baby girl in her arms and even from a distance, I knew I was right. Her eyes are just like Lynn’s, all bright and sparkly, looking like they hold all the stars in them. Lynn scrunches up her nose like she always does before planting a kiss on Alicia’s cheek, causing the little one to smile. A man watches the pair with adoration and I’m certain that’s her husband.

I know Lynn like an open book and I’m certain that what I’m seeing at the present moment is a look of pure bliss on Lynn’s face.

Taking in the scene before me, all I can think of is how glad I am that Lynn has found her own happiness, as did I.

As the van drives away from the scene, I finally know where to place Lynn in my heart and all the confusion that came along with leaving her for the past 10 years dissipate along with it as well.

I’m certain I would never be able to truly forget her; she’d given me such an extraordinary love that I don’t think I’ll be able to love another after knowing her love. But yet I’m also certain that now I’ll have the strength to let her go. Our memories will always remain as a beautiful part of my story but she will no longer hold onto my thoughts for too long at a time.

In this lifetime, I would never be able to lose her. But in learning to let go, I could finally learn to find myself again.


End file.
